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B/2

Blade Ward

Like a lot of D&D spells, this one is more impressive in a medieval-fantasy milieu than it is in the real world. Unlike previous iterations of the spell, it doesn't make you immune to conventional melee weapon damage; it just gives you advantage. That's not bad, though, and since it's a cantrip in 5th edition, you can just use it over and over again. In the real world, of course, someone would just shoot you*, and you can't use it to, say, protect a crowd against police beatings, because it only works on the caster. Still and all, 'being largely immune to beatings and stabbings' is a good thing to have in your pocket, depending on the circles you travel in.

Real-World Rating 5 (Effective But Limited)

Blinding Smite

We've talked before about the usefulness of these 'tons of damage plus'-type spells, and most of them, including this one, are generally in the why-bother category, especially given that here, the blindness is not permanent. It does raise an interesting consideration: in the real world, if you hit someone with a stick and it made them go blind, they would probably stop fighting you. In D&D, though, the morale check is basically a thing of the past, so blindness is really just a temporary combat penalty. Sad.

Real-World Rating:  4 (More Trouble Than It's Worth)

Blindness/Deafness**

Again, see above. Look, I get it: even in (most) RPGs, spells are used largely as combat enhancers. So while Blindness/Deafness sounds amazing, in practical terms, it's just a Disadvantage penalty for one minute. Not that that's anything to sneeze at! It's -4 to your combat rolls for what is usually longer than the duration of the fight! But you know what would be really great? If you were a wizard who could permanently blind or deafen anyone at will. Then people would really fear you! You wouldn't even have to fight! That's the kind of spells that you find in actual fantasy, as opposed to fantasy RPGs. This isn't even really enough to help out with real-world stealth moves that much.

Real-World Rating: 6 (Pretty Okay)

Blink

Blink, on the other hand, is a spell that works way better in the real world than it does D&D. In a fantasy setting, it's useful enough, but in a setting where only you have possession of magical abilities, it makes you practically invincible! Think about it: for one entire minute, you vanish completely. On your end, you can still hear and see everything you just left, but from anyone's else's, you have basically ceased to exist. You can't be detected by any means known to man! You're in another dimension! No weapon can harm you. No senses can perceive you. No door can bar you. No prison can hold you. And when you reappear, even though you have to do so within ten feet of where you vanished, that still gives you great options like 'just out of reach', 'where you still can't be seen', 'inside the impenetrable bank vault', or 'holding a gun and directly behind your pursuer'.  I think you could be incredibly powerful with nothing but a handful of Blink spells.

Real-World Rating: 10 (Essential)

Blur

Blur, on the other hand, just turns you into Robin Williams from what I was going to call a late-period Woody Allen movie until I realized it was made almost 25 years ago. A spell that makes you look like everything looks to me when I'm not wearing my glasses is not a great spell.

Real-World Rating: 3 (Pretty Ineffectual)

Branding Smite

Of the Smite spells, this one might be the most pathetic. The damage boost is pretty small, it keeps the target from becoming invisible which is not useful in the real world, and making your opponent glow in the dark for a minute seems like it's of limited utility if you can already see them well enough to hit them with a sword.

Real-World Rating: 2 (Mostly Pointless)

Burning Hands

A classic low-level offensive spell, this one is another better-in-fantasy-than-in-life number. Why? Because in life, we already have aerosol cans and cigarette lighters. Still, it's a push whether or not you want to flames leaping straight out of your fingertips or out of a can of AquaNet; either way your hands are full. Combine this with a spell that lets you grow extra limbs*** and you've really got something.

Real-World Rating: 6 (Pretty Okay)

*: If you interpret gunfire (and I'm not sure how 5e does) as piercing damage dealt by a weapon attack, then the real-world utility of this spell goes way up. 

**: Ableist much, Hasbro?!?

***: I think the only way to do this in 5e is True Polymorph, and it seems like a waste of a 9th-level spell just to be able to eat a burrito while you're doing Burning Hands.

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