Skip to main content

E/2

Enthrall

This is basically "Bullshit: The Spell". On casting you let out a string of gibberish that your target, if they fail a save, and you get to have advantage for one minute or "Concentration". I dunno, maybe I'm getting jaded already, but this seems like something you could replicate just by telling a story about a dream you once had.

Real-World Rating: 3 (Pretty Ineffectual)

Etherealness

The rare example of a spell that's vastly more effective in the 'real world' than in D&D, Etherealness lets you basically turn into a living ghost -- invisible, intangible, and able to go anywhere and see anything -- for eight hours. In the game, this is fraught with peril, as you are still subject to spells, ethereal beings, and other risks, but in our reality, it's basically a ticket to omniscience. You don't get it until seventh level, but it's worth it!  Basically beats almost any kind of divination spell there is.

Real-World Rating:  10 (Essential)

Evard's Black Tentacles

I forget which buddy of Gygax's Evard was named after, but it was for sure one of his midwest libertarian drinking buddies, so he got himself a cutesy nickname and a spell that no doubt causes fans of shokushu goukan to get all bothered in the loins. In practical terms, it's more or less a version of Entangle that causes more damage and is gross, which means it is more effective in freaking people out than it is doing its actual job, but it's fine on its own merits. My one note is that the material component is a giant squid tentacle, which, who carries a giant squid tentacle around with them just in case you need to tie someone up? 

Real-World Rating: 6 (Pretty Okay)

Expeditious Retreat

I'm gonna be straight here: I love the hell out of this spell. I love that it's a low-level spell that actually does something useful; I love the name; and I love that they have such a complicated concept around the idea of "I'm running the hell away as fast as possible". It's probably less effective overall than just stealing a car, but sometimes it's the frills that appeal to you.

Real-World Rating: 7 (Effective)

Eyebite

This used to be a much better spell, predicated on the idea that the concept of biting someone's eye was nausea-inducing. Now it's one of those catch-all spells that does a lot of things, none of them particularly well.

The three things you can do to your targets with this spell by giving them a wizardly thug mug are: (a) make them fall asleep, which you can also do with a Sleep spell five levels lower; (b) make them panic, which you can also do with a Fear spell three levels lower; and (c) make them sick, which just gives them disadvantage and doesn't even guarantee that they'll puke. Once again, you can achieve all these effects with simpler spells or technology, and you won't have to fuck with the possibility you'll throw a 6th-level necromancy away on a lucky saving throw. The name of this spell deserves a better spell.

Real-World Rating: 4 (More Trouble Than It's Worth)

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

B/1

Bane Insert joke here about Tom Hardy's weird voice work here! Actually, for the low low price of one single drop of blood, this spell makes an enemy of your choice bad at things for up to a minute. The perfect example of an effective buff spell:  simple, basic, tilts the odds just enough in your favor. As good in the real world as in D&D. Real-World Rating  7 (Effective) Banishing Smite Another of those high-level spells that is more flash than function. It can inflict a fuck-ton of damage (up to 50 HP in addition to whatever you normally do with a weapon), but the real heat is if that takes your target to under 50 HP -- which it surely will to all but the most powerful foes -- you banish them to another plane of existence! Spectacular, cool, but...why bother? Why not just kill them, thus totally eliminating the possibility this dangerous enemy will return and be super pissed at you? There's no insult-to-injury scale in the real world, so this just seems like murder ...
Post a Comment
Read more

D/4

Dominate Beast Whether or not this is a good spell depends on what you're trying to get out of it. If the idea is to befriend an animal, this one is a good shortcut to spending several months training it, although, really, what are you going to do with a trained animal beyond being friends with it? You came to a world without magic to win , not to make friends! With a bear! If the idea is to neutralize an animal that might otherwise be a threat, though, just shoot it*. Real-World Rating:  5 (Effective But Limited) Dominate Monster Ain't no monsters. Ain't nothin' to dominate. Real-World Rating :  1 (Worthless) Dominate Person As a front-door mind control spell, this isn't bad; as a back-door mind control spell, it's even better. This does the same basic thing the other Dominate spell, but there's a way to short-circuit your target into total meat-puppet mode. It doesn't last very long, and there's a Save vs. Wisdom, but there's never a bad way to...
Post a Comment
Read more

A/2

Animate Objects I'm a little torn on this one. It's a classic higher-level spell that sounds cool but has limited utility; there's not a lot of practical things you could get, say, an animated credenza to do for you that you couldn't just pay a regular person to do. It also only lasts a minute, so it's not like you can even have the fun of bringing a mailbox to life and having it haul your laundry around. So it's probably just going to be used for extremely rare circumstances (having a couch throw itself in front of a door instead of having to drag it there yourself) or for combat. The latter is a bit intriguing; even Tiny-sized objects have a surprisingly high number of hit points, so it could be kind of fun to watch a cop get beaten up by a folding chair, but it's still kind of a gimmick, and a lot more effort than just using a handgun or a fireball spell. In the end, most of the enjoyment you would get out of this would be making your own Transformers. Re...
Post a Comment
Read more